Stained

Me, I was raised a goddamned Roman Catholic.

The holy water was laced with shame.

Every time I anointed myself while entering and leaving the church was akin to that nun in GOT with her little bell going “SHAME!”

I saw the confessional by the door as I entered and left, it triggered feelings of guilt without fail, just the sight of an empty confessional, no priest necessary.

I am Pavlov’s mutt and the whole church is the bell.

Guilt is not something you can avoid in my parish.

While I was still a believer and still a practising Catholic, I was devoted to the idea of God and the belief of “his” existence; so the guilt was just an acceptable by-product of that devotion.

I never questioned it.

It flowed alongside the oxygen in my veins.

Until I found my way to the interwebs and this world of memes opened up to me, I didn’t realise that it’s literally a “Catholic thing”.

Guilt.

It’s not just me.

A 🦆 ing relief but also enraging; the fact that people think it is okay to burden other humans with unnecessary sh*t that they then carry their whole lives; all in the name of God.

I mean

There is so much guilt all of the time about everything.

Thankfully

I have a few friends, a select few that I can count on one hand, who constantly remind me to stop apologising when it isn’t required.

I haven’t unlearned that yet.

24 years of conditioning.

It takes more than a minute.

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Ps: if you are a Catholic reading this and you do not relate; well, I guess there’s a reason you’re a believer and I’m not.

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